i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
