I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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