Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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