hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
