if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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