i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
