I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
