Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
