If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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