I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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