Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
