What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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