So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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