My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There's even glitter on my cock...
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