I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
