This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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