literally had 100 drinks last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
