I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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