Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
