Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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