batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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