"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
