She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
