at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to align my fucking chakras
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
