just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
