it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
