I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
