I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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