it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
