everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
