Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize