Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize