Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
