how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
