my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
