wakey wakey hands off snakey
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
