i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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