I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
