He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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