We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
