great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
