he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
