I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
