You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
