I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
