I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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