So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
