Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
