If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
