I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
