I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
