If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
