Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
