I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
