He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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