i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
