I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
