Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he thought i was a dude.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
