he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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