I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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