I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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