I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm both gender and math confused
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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