Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
