i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
