what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
