I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
