I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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