She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
