I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
