I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
