I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
