Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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