..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
