dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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