hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
