My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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