Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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