At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
